Friday, June 17, 2011

Just breath....

Man, I'm not sure what it is about today and yesterday, but here are a few pictures of how I'm feeling....



"Laundry, grocery, call the car dealer, take back the movie, what are we eating for dinner, is chicken nuggets three meals a day okay?, call my visiting teaching companion, make a side dish for tomorrows picnic, fold laundry, make cookies for Sunday, wash sheets, vacuum again, dishes, clean out fridge, feed kids...."

"I can't remember what I was doing....before I had to go clean up the flood in the bathroom, throw away the toilet paper rolls that were tossed in the toilet, give the kids ANOTHER bath, dress them again, and salvage the swimming library books..."

If you add another little blue monster...I think that would suffice.

Okay, I know this post so far sounds like a huge pity party/mad at the children post. And it slightly is. I just figured that blogging about it is a much healthier alternative to beating the children. Haha! :) Also, I tend to feel free to skip the rest of this.

So I've been feeling a lot of frustration lately at being a mom. Not the daily tasks of being a mom, but the lack of understanding that other people have for being moms. Any idiot can have a baby. It takes a tough cookie to be a mom. Every day I learn to appreciate my own mom. I don't know how she had five kids. I don't know how my grandma had six. Maybe its a mental illness or something...hahaha :) Just kidding mom and grandma!

I just want all you not-stay-at-home-parents to realize what you are getting yourself into. And I want all you not-stay-at-home-parents to start realizing what all the stay-at-home parents are dealing with....every second of every day. People who say being a SAH Mom isn't a full time job need to be punched in the face....then punched again....then punched a third time....then while they're not expecting it, punched again. It is more than a full time job. It is working 168 hours a week. Ha! You call 40 hours a week a job?? Please...that's more like a recreational activity that you get paid for! Now, I know the grass is always greener on the other side. Eight months ago, I would've done anything to be a SAH Mom. I was working two jobs, around 50-55 hours a week and wanting anything to just be at home with the kids. Well, now I am home with the kids, and I kinda wanna go back to work...maybe 20 hours a week or something just to get a break! How's that, huh? Get a I can rest...and maybe think for two seconds without having to turn on Dora, get someone some food, change a diaper. But that isn't feasible right now with Tom working full time and doing a full time Masters program. Instead, I am a SAH mom, and most of the time it feels like a single-parent, too. (Don't get me wrong, I am glad Tom is working and going to school...that's not what this post is about :))

I don't even know really what I'm complaining about. I think I am just sleep deprived (does your JOB wake you up at 2:00a.m.....5:00a.m....and 7:00a.m....and then expect you to be at your top energy for the rest of the day?? Oh, and no - you don't get paid for fact, its all volunteer work.) I like how my sister-in-law Terry put it: she has been doing philanthropy for the past 20 years. Charity, volunteer work to better society by raising stable and functioning children. Serious.

Even as I type this not-so-very-long post, I have been interrupted to: get Tommy a bottle, get Ella a popcicle, answer the phone, change the laundry, finish cleaning the bathroom, calm Tommy down, wipe up Ella, wipe a butt, make chicken nuggets, finish the dishes, and who knows what else before I'm done! I don't know what I want...maybe a medal that says Super Mom, but I don't even think I'm that super. I'm just a mom. I try to get the kids out of the house once a day, but that doesn't always work. I try to "enlighten" Ella's mind by doing pre-school exercises, taking her to the zoo, Wheeler Farm, and wherever else I can think of. I try not to yell or lose my temper. All of these things only last a little while though...maybe a week or so before I get too exhausted, discouraged, or frustrated. Then I have a little tizzy fit (like you are reading right now) and it helps me feel better. Then I last another week or two...before another one hits. Is this normal?! I feel like I have a few really good days or week where I seriously enjoy being a mom, then a few days of verge of meltdowns...then feel guilty for feeling that way...then I'm okay again. Is this bi-polarism!? haha!

I feel like a lot of my frustration is born out of the fact that I am not in complete control of my childrens actions. I, being a total control freak, do not deal with this well. I figure: my house, my kids, my rules, my reign. haha! But the kids don't always go for that. I can't absolutely control Ella and her temper tantrums, or stop her from hiding crayons then coloring all of the window while I'm changing Tommy's diaper. I can't control Tommy from having explosive diaper after explosive diaper because Ella fed him too many grapes while I was cleaning up her room. These things tend to frustrate me SO much. I need to let it go. I need to realize that what I'm doing is the best I can do. If the laundry has to wait till tomorrow to get folded so I don't freak out...that's just the way it is.

All you moms out there - please tell me you feel like this, too, and I'm not just CRAZY!


KathRSmith said...

I am a little behind on reading blogs..BUT I TOTALLY laughed out loud reading this because it sounds like my house and I am only 2months in ;)

Katie said...

I just found your blog and can I just tell you I am in love...LOL finally someone who looks at things the way I do! Just know you're not alone, and I'm in your cheering section!