Friday, June 3, 2011

It's Good to be

This is a really random post, but I was just thinking about this the other day... :)

If I was in charge of the universe, here are a few things I would change:

1. Mom's would automatically get a pouch on their tummy like a kangaroo as soon as they have a baby. It would last for the first year, then slowly disappear. This would be SUPER convenient, that way you could put the baby in there and still have full use of your hands. Or, you could put items in there like diapers, bottles, pacifiers, etc. I know it is a gross mental picture, but how much more convenient would it be to have both hands free all the time?? :)

2. Mom's would literally develop a pair of eyes in the back of their head. I think this is pretty self explanatory as to why this would be awesome. Along with this extra pair of eyes would come a special telepathic sixth sense when it comes to kids. You would have the premonition to know what your kids are doing...especially if it is something they shouldn't be.

3. Everyone would get their come uppin's quickly. I think this would stop people from doing stupid or mean things, but motivate other people to do good things. I just think this would be much more gratifying for everyone. :)

4. You would lose weight at the same rate you gain it. That way, the time it takes you to eat a donut, you just have to exercise that same amount of time, and you have lost the donut weight! Seriously, who doesn't think this is a great idea?! Talk about total motivation to both lose weight AND eat junk food :) I would totally exercise an hour, if it meant I could do nothing but eat junk all day. Hahah! :)

5. People would be paid for their work in proportion to how their work benefits society. This would make teachers, policemen, etc. top earners (along with doctors and inventors and the such). This would motivate more people to become these important positions and their job positions would be more gratified. This would also mean that actors, most musicians, athletes, etc. aren't paid as much. Even being a musician, I feel like the entertainment industry makes ridiculous amounts of do athletes. To me, it is sad that some guy who runs around a field makes a bajillion dollars, when a teacher who is trying to teach our future youth makes barely enough to survive, and sometimes not even that much.

6. People would have to take an IQ test and submit an application before they reproduced. Okay, I know this is totally totalitarianism, but that isn't what I'm getting at. I'm just saying, for the sake of the children, there shouldn't be any "oops" babies where the parents are completely unequipped to raise them. I'm sure you have all seen those poor little kids whose parents are more concerned with themselves than the kids. It makes me sad. I just feel bad that these kids, who had no control over the situation, have to deal with so many things when there are so many other couples who would LOVE kids...but can't have them. Do you see what I'm getting at?

7. Weather. The weather would remain a balmy 72 for most of the year. Three days of snow in the winter. One week of 90 degrees in the summer. There we go: all the seasons. :) All this "winter" nonsense is overrated and terrible to drive in.

8. Money would grow on trees. I think it is pretty obvious why this would be awesome :)

9. Kids would have an on/off switch AND a volume knob. wonderful would this be :) Of course, you couldn't go crazy with it and keep them turned off all the time, but it would be AWESOME for naptime and bedtime. "Okay, brush your teeth, get in your jammies, read a book, then I'm turning you off!" Hahhaha!!! :)

10. I would be queen. Just because it would be awesome and I could own as many shoes and tiaras as I wanted. :) I would have ladies in waiting and not have to do anything I didn't want. be queen....


Anelieze + Franco Castrejon said...

oh goodness, laura, you're hilarious! i agree with you on most points ;)

Brittanie said...

loved this post. Read it last week, and just read it again. fabulous!