Musical Frustrations....

So I had a situation happen to me the other day that seriously pissed me off. Normally when things make me upset I can brush it off or at least take a breath, refocus and make lemonade out of lemons. This situation that happened though keeps pissing me off every time I think about. So I am going to express myself via my blog so other people don't have the same thing happen to them OR THAT PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE....

Many of you know I am a pianist. I accompany soloists quite frequently. It is an easy way for me to make a couple extra bucks. I generally need a couple hours of practice and then I am good to go. Now accompanying is not the same as playing a solo - it requires different techniques. You need to be able to follow along, take cues from the soloist, keep going if you mess up, and be able to keep up with the soloist if THEY mess up. In some ways it is trickier than what the soloist is doing because it is up to you to make sure it goes smoothly...kind of a lot of pressure. Plus, you don't want to be messing up or taking away from the soloist. I am a good accompanist. It takes work.

My accompanying fee is $50. That includes a one hour rehearsal and an hour for a performance. Most performances are less than that, but that would include any rehearsal time beforehand or something. My fee is very average and definitely worth it for what I can do. I accompany any instrument or vocal solo and can do beginner to very advanced music. It takes work.

So about three and a half weeks ago I get a call from this kids dad wondering if I can accompany his son who is playing a trumpet concerto in the State Solo Competition. I said, "Sure, be sure to get me the music as soon as possible because I know that piece is very fast and pretty difficult." He said, "Of course! I'll get it to you as soon as I can!" Well, two and a half weeks later I still didn't have the music. The performance is next Saturday. I called him this last Monday and said, "Hi, I don't have the music." Normally I charge $20 more for music received less than two weeks before the performance because it means I have to bust my butt and really push to learn it perfectly in that time frame. Plus, I don't know what people are expecting?? The soloist takes MONTHS to learn their piece and they play one note at a time - I am playing a full orchestra rendition and you give me a WEEK? Seriously? Don't expect much...ha!

Anyway, he tells me he can't find the music (this is the dad btw) and can't I get a copy of it myself? I tell him that is not my responsibility and if they don't have it at my work he needs to find a copy and get it to me TODAY. Luckily my work had it. It cost $10.50 which is normal for a concerto piece. I call him back and tell him and he scoffs, "$10?? Well...I guess I can pay you back." Uh...heck yes you will. I don't want to keep this music - what am I supposed to do with a trumpet concerto? Seriously? So then I ask him what day and time his son wants ot rehearse. I am available Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. He says he will call me back. He also then tells me that the performance is at Lone Peak High School at 11:18ish. I say "okay, I will be there at 11:00." He says, "You really should be here at 10:30." I tell him "Okay, but I charge more if I'm there for more than an hour." He scoffs again, "Seriously? Fine. Be here at 11:00." Stupid guy. Keep in mind that I am supposed to be working at 10:00 so already I am missing two hours of work...probably three.

So I hang up the phone, totally annoyed that this guy is being such an ass. Then I mapquest where the school is. IT IS 40 MINUTES AWAY!!!! ONE WAY!!!! It's going to take me 80 MINUTES OF TRAVEL TIME AND $20 IN GAS! Are you kidding me?!?

So I call the guy back and this is how our conversation goes:

"Hi, I didn't realize the school was 34 miles away. I need gas compensation. It is going to cost me $20 in gas. I'm adding that to my fee, and you owe me $10 for the music. So we are looking at $80. I'm not charging you for my time in travel."

*laugh rudely* "Oh? Well where did you think the school was?"

"I'm not from around here. I am from California. I don't know the area super well. I figured the STATE competition would take place in the capitol. Somewhere close to downtown."

"Well, you were going to have to drive SOMEWHERE so I'll pay half your gas."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, if you thought it was downtown that still was going to make you drive at least 10 miles. So I'll pay half your gas."

"Whatever."

*hangs up*

So here is an analysis of the situation:

Fee: $50
Gas: $10
= $60
-$10 in gas.
-four hours of work (not including any potential sales I could have made with commission)

= $-2

I am losing money on this stupid accompanying thing and the guy is totally taking advantage of me. I am pissed. The only reason I don't tell him to screw himself and the horse he rode in on is because I feel bad for the kid. If I flake - he has no one to accompany him and he has to withdraw from the competition. Just because the dad is a total doucheface doesn't mean the kid is....so now I'm just mad. Oh, and he still hasn't called me back with a rehearsal time next week. I'm tempted to tell him "no" to whatever time he suggests just to be a jerk. *sigh*

Cut me a freaking break here.

To Blog or Not To Blog?

I know it's been a long time since I've blogged and actually...I haven't really felt like blogging. I usually blog because I feel that something interesting or noteworthy has happened. Or something happened that I would like to memorialize. But lately...not so much. I'll give a brief update and some pictures, though, to make this blog worth reading for all my readers (whoever you are).

-Updates-
Work: I started working full time at a music store. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love what I do. I don't love the hours. I don't love being away from my kids ALL day. And I don't love working on Saturday. I love the money. I love the commission. I don't love the fact that sometimes I get really competitive and it brings out a nastiness in my personality. I don't love that by the time I get home some evenings, all I want to do is go curl up with a book and not talk to anyone. I love how happy my kids are to see me when I get home. I don't love that Ella cries when I leave in the morning. As you can tell, its a little bitter sweet. I've decided my ideal situation would be working part time, 11:00a.m.-3:00p.m. That would be perfect. Just enough to get me out of the house so the chances of me murdering my children are less, but not enough time that I feel like I'm missing my kids too much.

Work II: Tom is starting a business with his brother doing taxes. So far things are trucking along, but slowly. Right now he is trying to juggle so many things that it is crazy. He is doing his MBA program (AND GETTING STRAIGHT A'S EVERY SEMESTER *shout out! woot woot!*), trying to start this business, AND be a stay at home dad. Yes, he is a better stay at home parent than I am, even if he won't admit it. Every day I come home (I'm not kidding or exaggerating) the house is SPOTLESS and he is busy cooking up dinner while listening to his class online, or trying to wrangle the kids. His cooking has been a complete success, as well. Needless to say, I am one lucky girl. We have decided, also, that in May or June we will reassess the work situation and change something if something needs changing. Tom is not the biggest fan of being a stay at home parent....in fact, I think sometimes he hates it. Who can blame him? It is a hard transition from being bacon earner, to bacon cooker. I'm going the opposite direction and it is a lot of pressure earning the money! Sheesh!


Ella: Sassy as ever. This kid is attitude through and through. She has an opinion about EVERYTHING and will tell you about it...even if you tell her to be quiet. Be Quiet and Hold Still are commands she does not comprehend. This girl is energy to the max. All day. Every day. Until well after sun down. Luckily she doesn't wake up until 9:00ish...so that's nice, but she doesn't go to sleep until after 9:30 most nights, even if I put her to bed at 8:00. I would like to put her in preschool and I think she would benefit from it like CRAZY, but alas....it is too expensive, so we are trying to sort of teach her stuff at home. She can almost read...I just need to work with her more. Sometimes I feel like a terrible parent because 1) I can't afford preschool for her and 2) I can't dedicate the time to teach her preschool myself. Am I a bad parent?? She is eating better, which is good because she is in the 3% for height/weight averages. She is a bean pole. Completely. Her favorite foods? Macaroni and cheese and candy. Big surprise. She looooooves to play Old Maid and Go Fish and do puzzles. Her favorite shows include: Jake and the Never Land Pirates, and Mickey Mouse Club. Shows she does NOT like? Anything Tom and I want to watch.


Tommy: Such a sweetheart. For as sassy as Ella is, this boy is all snuggles. He is a little rough when he plays, but he's just husky and throws his weight around. He looooooves food. Like...LOVES food. Seriously, he would eat ALL day if we let him. As soon as we walk into a restaurant, or he sees that we are starting to cook - he runs to his high chair and starts hanging out it and whining. This kid LOVES to eat. Even when we are watching TV, he will point and go "neh!" at the t.v. if there is food on it. Yep. He's a little chubs. We love him. His nick name is Wiggles. He smiles ALL the time and is such a little tow-head. He has LOTS of teeth and loves to brush them. He loves bathtime and is starting to talk. Words he has mastered: ball, dada, mama, ella, night night, buh-bye, more. He loves to give kisses, high fives, and throw balls...er...throws EVERYTHING. Favorite things: food, balls, cars, whatever toy Ella is playing with. Least favorite things: sacrament meeting, washing his hair, sitting in his car seat. Oh, we just found out he has hip dysplasia in his left hip. We have a Dr.s appointment on February 17th. Hopefully everything goes okay...I'm a little worried about it...


Church: I officially am sick of my calling. Being the ward choir director of a lackluster choir is discouraging to say the least...but when my average number of attendance is six...it gets a little ridiculous. Bless my regulars. They are so dedicated it makes me so happy, even if when we perform it is like nails on a chalk board and even Tom tries not to say anything when we sit down - I have my dedicated little choir members. I have been doing it for a year and am finished. I want to be in the primary so I can watch Ella sing "I Love to See the Temple" and watch Tommy bounce up and down dancing to the primary songs. Church is now at 11:00 which means we actually go to the first hour (sacrament is last). We have become a statistic. When church is at 9:00 and sacrament last...we make it there for sacrament. Yep. Oh well. Now we are completely active and on time.

Anyway, to be completely honest, there are a lot of hard things going on right now in my life, which is why I think I haven't really blogged much. But I hope you enjoyed this update and the pictures. I'll probably blog again in a couple months...it seems to be my average lately.

How cute are these kids? Seriously?!

Canning!

Well, I decided to be very "home-makey" and can peaches a couple weeks ago. What started as an ambitious project quickly turned into a messy, frustrating battle against the clock and against my patience. I think I tried doing too much at one time: blanching the peaches, getting the jars ready, making a cobbler, making peach/raspberry jam. Yeah...definitely too much. But here is a little tutorial for you non-canners :)

Ah, look at these BEAUTIFUL peaches. You want your peaches to be RIPE when you can them. Not pre-ripe. You want them RIPE, like...eat them plain ripe. Yum.

You put the peaches in boiling water for 30-45 seconds then quickly submerge them in cold water. This will cause the skin to pull away from the flesh, making them VERY easy to peel. Use free-stone peaches, too. This makes the whole process much easier. Above are some peeled peaches waiting for slicing.


While you are blanching the peaches, get your jars ready. You want them washed and clean first. Then add about 1/3 cup of sugar plus two teaspoons of Fruit Fresh stuff. Pour 3/4 cup of boiling water into each jar and stir till all the sugar and Fruit Fresh stuff is dissolved. Now your jars are ready.

In the meantime, have your lids in hot/boiling water so they are ready for sealing.

Fill your jars with peaches...like jam packed almost. Leave about an inch of space at the top. Fill with hot water until almost to the lip....about half an inch of space. Now wipe the edge of each jar with a wet/clean cloth so there are NO little pieces or juice along the edge. Put a lid on and screw the ring on...not very tight, just a little tight.


Next, place all the jars on the canning rack (mine fits seven at a time) then fill with hot water until the jars are all covered by about an inch of water. Put the lid on and wait for about TWENTY YEARS for the freaking water to boil. In case you can't tell, this was the most frustrating part for me. It took FOREVER. After all forty gallons of water are boiling, NOW you have to wait ANOTHER forty minutes. Ugh. Then....

Remove the jars and place on the counter and DO NOT move for at least 24 hours. This allows them to breath and seal. You'll hear little "plinks" as the jars seal!

Then when its all said and done....you can eat your peaches months later. I, however, will not be eating these peaches until there are no more peaches in the world left to eat. It was SUCH a process....oh man. Ella told me the other day she wanted some peaches and I told her "no" and that we would go buy some from the store! Ha! I think I'm missing the point?? :)

I am excited for in a few months, though, when we actually eat our peaches. They will be super yummy and then I will be happy for all the stress and cleaning this involved :) Oh, and my jam didn't set...and my cobbler went uneaten...sad day.

Hopefully next year will go smoother...now that I actually know what I'm doing! Thank you, Cheri, for the many phone call questions you answered! Haha! :D

Ella-isms...

My daughter is hilarious. She says the FUNNIEST things! Here are some conversations:

Ella: (pulling out the Harry Potter DVD from the DVD player) Mom, is this movie scary?
Me: Yeah, it's pretty scary. I don't think you want to watch it.
Ella: Like, it's really scary?
Me: Yeah, it's really scary.
Ella: Like really, really, really, really, really scary?!
Me: Yes! It's really scary!
Ella: Like FIVE really's?!!?
Me: *laughing!* yes!
Ella: Woah...that's really scary.

Me: Ella, what do you do in the temple?
Ella: You get married.
Me: Do you want to get married?
Ella: *laughing* no! Not now, mom!
Me: Well, not now, but later?
Ella: Yeah. When I'm big, big, big then I'll get married
Me: Who are you going to marry?
Ella: Kyle.
Me: Ella, you can't marry your cousins.
Ella: Why not?
Me: Because you just can't. Who else do you want to marry?
Ella: June?
Me: Um...we'll talk about that later.

Ella: *drinking hot chocolate* oh sh**!
Me: What did you say Ella?
Ella: I spilled my hot chocolate! Oh sh**!
Me: Where did you learn that word Ella?
Ella: From dad.
Me: *Looking at Tom...he shakes his head no* Ella...who else did you hear that word from?
Ella: From my friends.
Me: Well, that is a NAUGHTY word. We do NOT say that word.
Ella: But dad does!
Me: *giving a look to Tom...* Ella, I don't care what dad or your friends say - little girls do NOT say that word.
Ella: *big sigh* Okay, okay. How about 'whoopsiedaisies?'
Me: Yes, that is okay to say.
Ella: Okay. Whoopsiedasies! I spilled my hot chocolate!

Ella: I don't like Boots! (From Dora)
*watching Dora on t.v....*
Boots: Can you help Dora?
Ella: BE QUIET BOOTS! I DONT LIKE YOU!!!!!

*watching Dora again...on DVD...so she's seen in a couple times now*
Dora: What flavor of ice cream do you like??
Ella: I already told you! Pink!
Dora: That sounds yummy!
Ella: You said that already!

My baby is almost one!

Tommy turns one on Saturday. I am posting his birthday post now, in case things get crazy this weekend and I don't have a chance to post!

A few fun facts about my baby:
Weight: 19 pounds.
Height: 29 inches.
Eye color: blue/gray
Hair color: BLOND
Teeth: eight
Favorite foods: yes. Meaning everything. Except Kraft mac n cheese? Go figure!
Naps: 10a.m.-noon and 3-5p.m.
Favorite toy: little kitty keyboard
Favorite time of day: bath time
Walking? Nope.
Talking? Nope. He says "tickle tickle" and "mama" and "hi"...but I'm not sure he knows what they mean?
Crawling: Like crazy.
Least favorite activity? Holding still.
Birthday party theme? Dinosaurs! After all - he is our little T-Rex :)

Enjoy LOTS of pictures of him...he is seriously the HAPPIEST baby EVER. He is either smiling, or sleeping. Seriously...

These pictures are in no particular order, FYI.

Driving a car...

Up in Oakley horse back riding...

Waiting to be born...

Being a little nerd :)

Sleeping after horse back riding...it is exhausting - obviously!

Playing with mom in the grass!

Loves!

Future football star? Definitely not. Our kids are NOT playing football. Tom has finally been convinced of this as well because of all the injuries teenagers are getting and they are finding that it has lasting, horrible effects when they get older! So yep...our kids can just play baseball or something other than football. :)

Playing with big sister!

(Most recent picture) Fourth of July hike up the Tetons! This kid LOVES being outside!

Three month old Tommy :) He actually has hair...it is just SO white it matches his albino ghost-like skin! haha!

SO HAPPY!!!!!

2.5 Month old Tommy just learning how to hold his head up!

Four month old Tommy...such a sweetie :)

Happy Halloween!!! He was a football...courtesy of Dad, of course. I would have dressed him up like a dinosaur...or maybe a little monster or something :)

I seriously love this kid. Ella loves him, too, even though sometimes she picks fights with him. Not sure what that is all about...but ya know, siblings fight I guess. :) Every time he wakes up from a nap or in the morning, Ella gets SO excited and he starts jumping up and down when she walks in the room! These kids are so stinkin' cute. Seriously...have you ever seen such a cute toe-head! (spelling on toe-head?)

p.s. I looked up what "toe head" actually means: apparently way back when, they used to call this type of flax "taux" (pronounced toe). So it means that the kid has hair the color of this really light flax stuff. Hence....toe-head. Interesting...

Sunday School Lesson

I taught my first Sunday school lesson today. :) The couple who normally teach our class were out of town, so I volunteered to teach it. I was pretty excited. I think my lesson went pretty well. Tom said it was good, but I would have been mad at him if he said it sucked....so yeah....but that's what the lesson was about: anger.

The topic was "Responding to Challenges". Since it is a "Marriage and Family" class, it turns into how to "Respond to Challenges in Marriage". It was a GREAT lesson. The whole lesson was focused on anger. There were a few parts of it that I really, really liked!

The first thing that really got to me was about anger itself and how it is a choice. People say, "Oh, he made me so mad." Or, "I just lost my temper"....well....it doesn't work like that. Because of free agency, no one can make us do anything. We choose to do it. No one can MAKE you angry....that means you didn't have the agency to not be angry - which is ridiculous. You are CHOOSING to get angry. Of course, other peoples actions can sometimes add into the equation, but in the end - you are choosing to get angry or not.

For example, I don't know if I've ever seen my little sister, Angela, get angry. I know she has gotten frustrated, but I definitely don't recall any tizzy fits growing up. Me and my other sister, on the other hand...were CONSTANTLY in pursuit of making the other one mad :) Haha! Looking back, I fondly remember pestering each other, which I'm sure drove our parents CRAZY! But yes....I would say she and I were constantly angry at each other :) I guess Angela just had better self control...and she was a born peace maker. Angela....sheesh....Good thing she was born in between me and Kathryn! Haha!! Love ya sis's! :)

I also liked this scripture and analogy: "Satan is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another". The verb "stir" sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers. "

Talk about the best analogy! Isn't that exactly how it goes when you lose your temper?? You say things you don't mean, and it is SUPER hard to get past it.

Another part I liked: "Anger is a yielding to Satan's influence by surrendering our self-control. It is the thought-sin that leads to hostile feelings or behavior. It is the detonation of road rage on the freeway, flare-ups in the sports arena, and domestic violence in homes." Now, I'll be the first to admit I have succumbed to road rage....but I didn't need to! I CHOSE to! That's what this lesson is all about!

No good ever comes from losing your temper, either. The lesson points out: Anger is an uncivil attempt to make another feel guilty or a cruel way of trying to correct them. It is often mislabeled as discipline but is almost always counterproductive.

I have lost my temper with my kids, spouse, and family. But there I go again - I lost my temper. That is ridiculous. No one took away my free agency. I chose to be angry. I need to chose NOT to get angry.

"Understanding the connection between agency and anger is the first step in eliminating anger from our lives. We can choose not to become angry. And we can make that choice today, right now: "I will never become angry again." Ponder this resolution." Granted we may need to continually remind ourselves not to be angry, but its a start :)

So yeah, that was the gist of my lesson and I loved it. I've always struggled with a temper. Ask my parents! Ha! I remember all growing up, I just had to yell....all the time....yell and throw temper tantrums. It has taken A LOT of realization and deep breathing to help me sort of grow out of it and be able to reign in my emotions. I definitely know it has helped my marriage - not freaking out too quickly.

Anyway, I thought this lesson was perfect for every couple - even those who don't go crazy angry...now you can help your significant other overcome it if they do!

Thoughts?

Just breath....

Man, I'm not sure what it is about today and yesterday, but here are a few pictures of how I'm feeling....

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH"
"JUST BE QUIET FOR TWO SECONDS"
"NO, NO POPSICLES UNTIL YOU EAT YOUR DINNER"
"WHY DID YOU EMPTY YOUR TOY BUCKET??? I JUST CLEANED YOUR ROOM!"

"STOP HANGING ON ME!"

"Laundry, grocery, call the car dealer, take back the movie, what are we eating for dinner, is chicken nuggets three meals a day okay?, call my visiting teaching companion, make a side dish for tomorrows picnic, fold laundry, make cookies for Sunday, wash sheets, vacuum again, dishes, clean out fridge, feed kids...."

"I can't remember what I was doing....before I had to go clean up the flood in the bathroom, throw away the toilet paper rolls that were tossed in the toilet, give the kids ANOTHER bath, dress them again, and salvage the swimming library books..."

If you add another little blue monster...I think that would suffice.

Okay, I know this post so far sounds like a huge pity party/mad at the children post. And it slightly is. I just figured that blogging about it is a much healthier alternative to beating the children. Haha! :) Also, I tend to ramble...so feel free to skip the rest of this.

So I've been feeling a lot of frustration lately at being a mom. Not the daily tasks of being a mom, but the lack of understanding that other people have for being moms. Any idiot can have a baby. It takes a tough cookie to be a mom. Every day I learn to appreciate my own mom. I don't know how she had five kids. I don't know how my grandma had six. Maybe its a mental illness or something...hahaha :) Just kidding mom and grandma!

I just want all you not-stay-at-home-parents to realize what you are getting yourself into. And I want all you not-stay-at-home-parents to start realizing what all the stay-at-home parents are dealing with....every second of every day. People who say being a SAH Mom isn't a full time job need to be punched in the face....then punched again....then punched a third time....then while they're not expecting it, punched again. It is more than a full time job. It is working 168 hours a week. Ha! You call 40 hours a week a job?? Please...that's more like a recreational activity that you get paid for! Now, I know the grass is always greener on the other side. Eight months ago, I would've done anything to be a SAH Mom. I was working two jobs, around 50-55 hours a week and wanting anything to just be at home with the kids. Well, now I am home with the kids, and I kinda wanna go back to work...maybe 20 hours a week or something just to get a break! How's that, huh? Get a job...so I can rest...and maybe think for two seconds without having to turn on Dora, get someone some food, change a diaper. But that isn't feasible right now with Tom working full time and doing a full time Masters program. Instead, I am a SAH mom, and most of the time it feels like a single-parent, too. (Don't get me wrong, I am glad Tom is working and going to school...that's not what this post is about :))

I don't even know really what I'm complaining about. I think I am just sleep deprived (does your JOB wake you up at 2:00a.m.....5:00a.m....and 7:00a.m....and then expect you to be at your top energy for the rest of the day?? Oh, and no - you don't get paid for overtime...in fact, its all volunteer work.) I like how my sister-in-law Terry put it: she has been doing philanthropy for the past 20 years. Charity, volunteer work to better society by raising stable and functioning children. Serious.

Even as I type this not-so-very-long post, I have been interrupted to: get Tommy a bottle, get Ella a popcicle, answer the phone, change the laundry, finish cleaning the bathroom, calm Tommy down, wipe up Ella, wipe a butt, make chicken nuggets, finish the dishes, and who knows what else before I'm done! I don't know what I want...maybe a medal that says Super Mom, but I don't even think I'm that super. I'm just a mom. I try to get the kids out of the house once a day, but that doesn't always work. I try to "enlighten" Ella's mind by doing pre-school exercises, taking her to the zoo, Wheeler Farm, and wherever else I can think of. I try not to yell or lose my temper. All of these things only last a little while though...maybe a week or so before I get too exhausted, discouraged, or frustrated. Then I have a little tizzy fit (like you are reading right now) and it helps me feel better. Then I last another week or two...before another one hits. Is this normal?! I feel like I have a few really good days or week where I seriously enjoy being a mom, then a few days of verge of meltdowns...then feel guilty for feeling that way...then I'm okay again. Is this bi-polarism!? haha!

I feel like a lot of my frustration is born out of the fact that I am not in complete control of my childrens actions. I, being a total control freak, do not deal with this well. I figure: my house, my kids, my rules, my reign. haha! But the kids don't always go for that. I can't absolutely control Ella and her temper tantrums, or stop her from hiding crayons then coloring all of the window while I'm changing Tommy's diaper. I can't control Tommy from having explosive diaper after explosive diaper because Ella fed him too many grapes while I was cleaning up her room. These things tend to frustrate me SO much. I need to let it go. I need to realize that what I'm doing is the best I can do. If the laundry has to wait till tomorrow to get folded so I don't freak out...that's just the way it is.

All you moms out there - please tell me you feel like this, too, and I'm not just CRAZY!